[ed12]

Once we stop we all just start peeing right next to the SUV. It is too dark to see anything, Only seconds later we see a sheriff's vehicle pull into the rest area. We all say, “oh shit” The uber driver starts crying and muttering about losing her job. A female officer gets out and pops a squat. It is not until she is peeing that she realizes she is not alone. The light from the cop car isn’t enough to make out anyones anatomy, but it does reflect off the streams making those visible. The four of us all finish at about the same time, but the sheriff is still squatting and the driver is still going strong. A little bit later I see the sheriff pull up her pants and walk towards us. The uber driver continues flowing.
Sheriff:”So have you guys been drinking?”
Julie: “The four of us are drunk, but she is sober and driving”
Sheriff:”Are you sure you haven’t had anything to drink today?”
Uber driver: “Just coffee and gatorade”
Sheriff: “When a woman pees in public it is usually a pretty good sign that she is drunk, are you sure you haven’t been drinking?”
Nicole: “You just peed in public, are you drunk?”
Sheriff: “I have been on duty since 3 without a break.”
Nicole: “And she has working since 1 without a break”
Sherriff: “What is your employment?”
Uber driver: “Uber driver.”
Sheriff: “Why are you crying?”
Uber driver: “I am going to lose my job.”
Sherriff: “Licence and registration”
Uber driver: “They’re in the car.”
Sheriff: “Get them once you are done. I would like to see id from all of you.
Uber driver: “Can you please not give me a public urination ticket if Uber finds out I peed in public while driving, I will lose my job. They treat those worse than speeding tickets.”
Sheriff: “You won’t be getting a public urination ticket. It would be extremely hypocritical of me. I have never issued a public urination citation for someone peeing at a roadside rest area and never will, that is why they are here.”
Uber Driver: “Thank you.”
Sheriff:” Don’t thank me yet. You are going to take a sobriety test, if you fail that, you are getting arrested”.
The uber driver finally runs dry and we were all super impressed with how much she could hold.
The sheriff runs our ids and everything comes back clean. The breath test shows 0.0.
Sheriff: ”By the way there is an accident up ahead and the road is closed you are going to need to take the next left and detour around it”
Uber driver: “Yeah I got an alert on the GPS”
The uber driver pops open the back of the SUV revealing a case of bottled water. She quickly sucked down an entire half liter. “My throat is so parched, but I didn’t dare add anything more to my bladder.” She then offered them to us.

It took 40 minutes to get home. Well, actually to a bar that is a mile from home but half way between our apartments. The driver gives us each another bottle of water.
Julie: “Enjoy your break, I am sure you earned it.”
Uber driver: “I am actually picking someone up on the next block, the purpose of the break was so I could empty my bladder, already took care of that.”
Once the uber leaves
Julie: “I am not super desperate, but the walk home will be much more comfortable if I empty my bladder first”
Me: “My bladder won’t make it home. Do you want to go into the bar and use their bathrooms?”
Julie:” Are you kidding, have you ever been in that bar?”
Me; “No”.
Julie: “The line to the women’s room is always a mile long. Let's go behind the dumpster instead.”
When we went behind the dumpster we surprised three women who were peeing. They were very upset that I had entered the women’s area.
Julie explained that there is never a line to the men’s room so it is rare for guys to pee behind the dumpster.

The game must have ended right when we started walking home because the bars and parties started emptying out and the street got busy. Many folks head behind dumpsters and down alleyways. We pass a few groups of people peeing between parked cars.

As we are walking home an ambulance goes by with lights and sirens. And a fire truck without its lights flashing. Then we turned the corner to see what was the scene of a bad accident. There is a fire engine, 3 cop cars, 4 tow trucks and many mangled cars. The street is closed to traffic but there is no indication that the sidewalks are closed and it is the most direct path so we go down the street. As we are approaching the fire engine we notice 2 firefighters by the back tires holding their coats as to block something or someone.
The older firefighter yells at us, “what are you looking at keep moving”
Julie yells back, “sorry, just curious about what is going on”.
Just then a very young female firefighter stands up pulling up her pants. The older firefighter yells, “nothing that concerns you, just a dedicated first responder getting some much needed relief after 5 hours straight of responding to multiple incidents.”
The river she created ran almost the length of the fire engine.
The female firefighter thanks the other two and is smiling ear to ear.
Younger FF: “Something funny? What is with the big grin?”
Female FF “The absolute euphoria of relief from finally emptying my bladder, I really needed to go. I really should have popped a squat when you went. It seems like every time I am bursting but decide to hold it until we get back to the station, we get another call. I was so close to wetting myself.” She then adds, “I wonder what she wants?” A female cop is briskly walking towards the firefighters.
The younger firefighters says, “I bet she is coming over to issue you a ticket for public urination”
Female FF:”I really hope you’re joking”
Older FF: “He better be joking. Otherwise my counterparts on the interdepartmental cooperation committee will be getting a fucking earful. Let's pack up and hopefully get back to the station and dig into the superbowl spread before the next call, I’m starving.”.
When the cop arrives the older FF barks, “and how can we assist you?”
Cop: [dancing] ”I was wondering if you could do me a huge personal favor.”
Female FF asks “How can we help?”
Cop: “I have been non-stop since 4 and on the verge of flooding my trousers. Would you be kind enough to block for me as well”
Female FF: “Absolutely we will” The three firefighters block and the cop goes behind their wall of coats.
Older FF [to us and the others watching]: “I told you to move along now get going.”

As we are cutting through the parking lot of our apartment building…
Julie: [starting to fidget] “God, I hope the elevator is quick tonight. I need to pee”.
Me: “Yeah, me too, but unlikely, we have the slowest elevator in the world. I don’t know if this happens to you but if I need to pee as soon as I get on the elevator my desperation level skyrockets and the entire ride up to my apartment is absolute torture.”
Julie: “Yeah, same.”
Me: “So, I am going to avoid that tonight.”
Julie: “I would love to avoid that, but how?”
Me: “How is this for a solution?” I unzipped and started peeing.
Julie: “yeah, that works” and she pops a squat next to me.

We arrive at the elevator at the same time as 3 men and 3 women all very much in need of a bathroom. The light shows that the elevator is on the second floor. One of the guys says, “I really hope it is on the second floor going down and not the second floor going up”
The elevator spends quite some time on the second floor. Finally the second floor light turns off and we anxiously wait to see if the doors open. Twenty seconds later the #3 light turns on.
Same guy: “Honey, here are the keys to the apartment. I can’t wait any longer. I am going behind the dumpster. I’ll meet you up there, although with how slow the elevator is I might be back before it comes”
The other two guys also decide to water the dumpster rather than wait. One of the women shouts, “heathens” as they leave.
Shortly afterwards, a woman returning from walking her dog arrives. She mentioned that tonight she saw more humans than canines relieving themselves outside.
Then a couple both in desperate need of bladder relief arrive.
Woman: “I call first dibs on the bathroom”.
Man : “You can have the toilet, I will pee in the shower”.
Woman:” Gross, don’t pee in the shower. “
Man: “I need to pee so your choices are I get to use the toilet first or I pee in the shower or I pee in the kitchen sink, take your pick.”
Woman: “Don’t you dare pee in the kitchen sink, use the shower but make sure you rinse it afterwards.”
Finally the elevator arrives and we all live on 7 different floors. Right before reaching the second floor the elevator stops and goes pitch black. A few people use the flashlight feature of their phones to illuminate the elevator.
Then one of the women calls 911 to report that we are trapped in the elevator. The dispatcher asks our location and a bunch of questions to determine if anyone is in actual danger. The dispatcher tells us that she has no reports of power outages in the area and that she is notifying the landlord, the elevator company, and power company of the situation. The dispatcher tells us that a fire department rescue squad will be dispatched when one becomes available for a non-life threatening rescue but with the number of car accidents they are currently dealing with that might be a while.

Julie kisses me on the cheek and says, “that's for having the foresight to pee in the parking lot. I am soooo glad we did that”